Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest here. I'm going to lay my heart out and hold nothing back. I've been finding myself in deep thought a lot lately and these past couple months I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I moved here to Vegas wanting to be on my own, independent, and having a fresh start. I've had some really great times and have learned a lot about myself. Along the way I have been blessed to find some really great friends who have been a really great support. However, lately it seems like all those friends are slipping away. In December I felt on top of the world. I had a new job that was in my field, I had a great roomate, a large group of friends from church, and I had made some pretty great friends at work who I was also spending a lot of time with. Then January comes and it seems like everything began spiraling out of control. At my job I have to work nights, so there went my social group from church because they all work in the day and never have time to do anything when I have just a little time off. So I miss out on all the thing's they're always doing and I don't at all feel like a part of the group anymore. With my group of friends at work- there's 3 of us and we called ourselves the "triad". Well, one of them broke up with her boyfriend and got a new job and suddenly we were on the outs. We are no longer important to her and she can never "pencil us in" to her busy schedule. It has been a hard transition because we were so so close (so I thought) and then in one instant we don't matter. At least that's how it feels. It's just hard to go from talking to someone every day to bam, nothing. So with that- triad is history. Then, I get yet another dose of devastating news. The great wonderful roomate is moving out and getting her own place. This one is hard because I know how excited she is to make this step but I can't help feeling left in the dust a little bit. It was really comforting to have someone living in the same house who I knew I could go to and talk about anything. And now that she's gone there's this overwhelming empty feeling at home. But I do know that I can still rely on her like I did, it's just a little different.
So now here I am at this point. Feeling kind of lost. I have no idea which direction to go or who I can turn to. So I just am trying to take it a day at a time. I tell myself, just get through today and don't worry about anything else. It is so hard! I've always had this weird struggle, feeling like I don't have any friends who are truly a good friend through thick and thin. I want so badly to have that and I feel like I find it then it just diminishes and I'm left standing all by myself again.
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3 comments:
Oh Kelli this is so sad! I am so sorry that it feels as tho everything is falling apart. I to have had some personal struggles starting this year. 2011 has really sucked for me and my husband. Were just trying to hang in there, family has really been a blessing. Also church. Stick with church no matter what you do. Don't stray. I have a wonderful Aunt that lives in Vegas that would be more than happy to give you a big hug! Hang in there girl!!
You sound like me a year ago! I went through some pretty crazy depression after leaving school. mainly because I went from lots of friends and a great social life to home where all I had was my little sister (who goes to bed at 9 every night I swear!) and my parents. I had NO friends.
I want to give you a hug! I wish I could help somehow! Call or text me whenever you need!
hang in there. this too shall pass. you are crazy busy and you did make your decisions and you felt good making them along the way, so remember that. and you always have you old friend in idaho if you need anything!
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