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Not that I really feel like anybody cares, it's just helpful to get out my thoughts somehow. I have been in Colorado for a week now trying to get "well". It's been really nice and helpful, but I still have a lot of animosity in me. My life is stressing me out more that I thought I could even handle, and I'm still not convinced I can handle this.... But I am trying and taking it day by day. I have honestly completely lost all faith in people. I trust no one. I feel like a pinball in a pinball game. Being tossed around, slapped, punched in the gut over and over again. It won't stop no matter how hard I try. I know the sayings: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" or "when you get knocked down, get up and try again" blah blah blah... I just don't understand anything, and frankly I'm about at my wit's end. I don't understand how my "friends" don't even have the time to call or text to just say hi. Maybe see how I'm doing. I don't understand how they can say to me, "let's go to lunch" and then when I suggest a multitude of days they're suddenly completely too busy to make it work. Or when they say we need to hang out, then I find out they do things all the time and "forget" to invite me. I'm sick of being the one to make plans and those plans always going down the drain because "something more important came up and they have to cancel". All my life I've been a compassionate person. I would do anything for a friend. I would try and make a special effort to be sensitive on how they are feeling, if they need anything, or if they need someone to just sit with. But do I get that in return? No. What a crock. Needless to say, I have lost all faith in people and trust no one. Here's to me and my pathetic life.